Life seemed bleak, and I decided to go on a walk, in the weak hopes that I would run into a certain someone. I never really think I will run into him, but my heart always leaps when I think of leaving the house, in the hopes I do.
It started out nice, listening to Cute Is What We Aim For, the mist and cherry blossom petals flying everywhere. I was having imaginary conversations with him in my head, because I never get enough real ones, when a van drove beside me. I glimpsed in the window, and my sanity was stripped.
It was him.
Or so I thought. The car drove further, distracting my view. It was the wrong color, not the van I had seen before, but there was a sticker on the back indicating that the boy driving it was around my age. He was even wearing the right colored shirt.
I looked down at my feet, petals stuck to the toes of my shoes, and shrugged. I had nothing left to lose.
I started to walk after it, then started to jog, then to run. His car turned the corner, and I lost sight of him.
My cell phone fell out of my pocket, and I contemplated leaving it there, before turning back to retrieve it. By the time I reached the corner, he was long gone.
Dejectedly, I started to walk back down towards my house, but not quite ready to go home. I decided to visit the elementary school nearby, and as I came into view, I saw the van drive through a break in the trees. My heart stopped; I wasn't sure if I was hallucinating or if it was real.
I continued to walk near the school, and then I saw the van again, coming towards me. I tried to walk normally, knowing that they must have seen me chasing it before. It drove down a dead end, and parked there. I walked towards it, on the opposite side of a fence, only occasionally glancing at it. It stayed there, until I was about two thirds of the way down the hill.
It began to turn around, then drove past me again. I had the urge to run after it again, but I didn't get to see who was driving very clearly. It could have been him. It could have been not.
I sat next to a river at the bottom of the hill, and attempted to catch my breath and my shards of dignity. My sanity was already long gone.
I walked out of the school yard after a few minutes, desperately wanting to see the car again.
In the sidewalk cracks, dandelions grew. I gently picked a white fluffy one, and held it to my lips, making a special wish, before I blew the seeds off. I reached out to grab the floating fluff, when the van drove by again.
It seemed to be going in circles. I began to get a little worried. If the person driving it was him, then that would be really cute. If it was someone I've never met before... I'd be disturbed. I couldn't figure out where they were going, and why they seemed to be popping up so often.
I dropped the dandelion stem to the ground, and followed the van. It stopped for a moment at a four way stop, and I looked down, rain starting to fall heavier. I looked up for a moment, and he was gone.
I cursed myself for being so negligent, and when I got to the intersection, I saw no clue as to which way he turned. I picked the one road I thought was the prettiest, and walked up. I walked for a very long time, wandering and weaving in and out of roads and alleyways, until I gave up.
I was dissapointed. I kept expecting to see the van, look in the window and have the heart sinking feeling that happens with sickening realization. I kept expecting the disappointing thought to come into me head, It's not him...
I was walking along the last road to turn into my street, and I heard a car drive by slowly. The song I was listening to came to the chorus, the lyrics pounding in my ears.
And what's a crush to do?
What's a crush to do? I looked over, and it was the van. It stopped at a intersection as I was crossing, and it started to go as I got nearby. I wanted closure. I wanted to find out who it was.
I looked in the window, but all I saw was a blur, as the van drove away.
I had the urge to follow it again, but I resisted. I went home, petals still stuck to my shoes, stepping on every crack in the pavement, the rain soaking my hair.
I see your face everywhere.
May 6, 2009 at 7:17 PM
does he have his "sticker"?
May 6, 2009 at 8:10 PM
Awee. My darling Jakalee, I feel for you. You write your heartbreak very prettily, I must say. Very descriptive. Very...pretty.
I feel like I'm writing a review, so I shall stop. Good music choice :)
May 6, 2009 at 8:35 PM
Aww Jakalee! I didn't know if this was just a story you wrote or if it was real! You shall tell me tomorrow! :)