Maple Syrup

I totally screwed myself over today. Last night, I was out, so I had my wallet in my purse.
But this morning I didn't put it back.

And I didn't pack myself any extra food, because I was going to buy some.

And my UPass was in it.

And I have to bus home today, as my parents are at a play in metro van.

So, let's do the math.

After all these events have happened, I will be a) starving b) penniless c) on the side of the road with no ride home. And I didn't charge my cell phone enough, so I might not even be able to call for help.

My only hope is that after I get to the bus depot from uni, that the bus driver will take pity on me.

But if they don't...? I'm fuuuuuuuucked.

As most of the people following my blog know, I have a bit of an issue with being sad. Like, all the time. Yeppers. Some people would call that depression, but I'm not going that far yet.

But, just in case, I decided to research how some other people get rid of sadness without ever you know... telling their parents. And there was some stuff about dark chocolate, lots of light, happy music, flowers and etc.

So I'm leaving the screamo gothic music behind, getting rid of my shrines to weirdness in my room.

And I'm finally ditching the beige.

That's right, my walls will no longer be the colour of pale oatmeal.

Instead, they are going to be a very happy burnt orange-yellow. With a lavender ceiling.

And because I have this thing with doors (I'd rather explain in person than on a blog where all people can see my fuckedupness), I'm getting rid of my closet door, and instead there will be happy curtains.

And there will be mirrors and overflowing crystal vases reflecting light from the window and the multitudes of lamps that will be in there. I want to put lamps all through the room, so maybe there won't be shadows anymore.

I'm even contemplating deleting all the Wednesday 13, Circle Takes The Square, You Me At Six from my iPod. Maybe even my beloved Emilie Autumn.

I mean, last time the doctors made me take a test on depression, I lied on every question. It'd be weird to go back in there and be like "I know you thought I was better, but I really just wanted to be left alone, so I cheated."

They wouldn't be happy. I wouldn't be happy.

Therefore, best answer is happy music and bright lights.

Oui?

OH THE HORROR OF A COLD BLUSTERY NIGHT WHEN THE CLOCK STRIKES FOURTY TWO AND THE DOGS OUTSIDE BEGIN TO BRAY. THE COLD BED SHIVERS AND THE OWNER FORGETS WHAT HE HAD FOR BREAKFAST, AS THE AUTUMN WIND BLOWS THE SHUTTERS

CLOSED.

throw away the jello, throw away the pain, throw away the memories of any sort of shame.

throw away the children, throw away the veins, throw away the connection that once could make you plain.

So I'm at work, hiding in my cubical of I'm-a-cool-mutant-princess-ness, listening to a very interesting combination of 3OH!3 and T. Swift, jamming with my ham sangie and some Draco/Ginny fics of cuteness.

Generally, I prefer Hermione/Draco, but hey, I'm open to alternatives. I have a massive crush on Draco though. Not in the movies, Tom whatever didn't exactly developed into a heartthrob. But in the books, with his all black clothes, white blond hair and his angel of death appearance.... Drool. Expecially because he can be a good guy, he's just twisted by his family and stupid ol' Voldie.

:D Lurve.

I wish I didn't have a facebook profile. Isn't that bizzare? But I really dislike facebook at the moment, and I'd rather become invisable to all of our old high school friends.

I'm thinking of running a marathon. Just to say I did it. I'm signing up for a running program with my Daddy in the spring, and will hopefully start running on my own starting... well, yesterday. Anyone interested in running ever so often with me?

I don't have the swine flu anymore. And I'm pretty sure it was what I had, because 80-90% of the flus that are happenin' at the mo are H1N1. I didn't grow a curly tail, but all other evidence points towards the flu o' pork.

This post is so random. I need more of a focus.

There's a play going on tonight, where the homeless dwell. I'm skipping out of math early, and skeedaddleing quickly to it, where I'll catch up with the english class of epicamazinggoodness, to meet Talie and Talie2 before the show which starts later than one would think.

And then the play should be decently lengthy, which puts us at a time that when we're wandering the streets and taking trains in the sky, there will be gang murderings and druggy overdoses all around us.

I'm glad I've got Talie, her asian side will whip out some ass kicking kung-foo-casserole for the crims stalking us. She's like Jakie Chan mixed with Jet Lee, I'm practically as safe as the presidents daughter with her around.

Even with my brawny bodyguard, I'm still a little freaked at skytraining at 11pm. It's when the world starts to get angsty. Shiver me timbers.

But we'll tape our ID to the inside of our shoes, and carry less than two dollars with us, and keep anything shiny out of view, so the magpie-wannabes won't get the urge to purge us of our metallic goods. Safe as a bumblebee inside a buttercup made of bubblewrap and kevlar.

Gosh. I have to leave in like, an hour. But I'm so bored, I can't even function enough to write a gramatically perfect sentance.

Tonight your ghost will ask my ghost, "who put these bodies between us?"

Just... random. Well, lyrics from a song, but has nothing to do with anything. I think it's cute though. Metric has clever lyrics.

Almost as clever as my blog post titles. Mhmmm. (No, not Mmmm. There's an H in it. Dirty girl)

Oh. I just remembered about stuff, and stress hit me like a truck. I erased it quickly, but now I guess I have to make a plan. I mean, the stress might be gone, but it's alerted me to several problems with my life I should organize.

I dislike problems. They're so problematic.

I will be in acess to my e-mail until 1:00pm, then not until super late tonight. And I have no texting ability, as Liffie has been eaten by a bus, after saving her multiple times from the jaws of malls and park benches. This is the thanks I get.

Also, who's birthday is on friday? MINE IS. Happy eighteenth to myself :)

Gosh, I'm young. Dislike.

But hey, I won't be a minor anymore... :D

I feel just like my faded jeans too, miss genius. Feeling good is easy when you sing the blues. And feeling good is good enough for me.

I reread some of my older posts, and I was just a more interesting person back then. My life had more dynamic, involved more people, less secrets. I was weirder, even though I felt as bland as oatmeal. I wonder if I'm gradually becoming less and less of who I want to be. That would be so suckish. If this is growing up, I change my mind. I want immortality after all, sorry for throwing it away when I had the chance. I want it now.

I am going to the shower, as it is midnight, and I'm as tired as a wheat thin. A week of busyness follows, and I know I can handle it all, but I realized it's not the question of whether I can get ages of studying and writing done, but whether I can make sure that this, although busy, is a week not wasted. A week where I can stand at the end and look back, and know that it was a time good enough to be my last.

If there is one invention that humans have created, that I wish could be abolished, it would be stress. No other species has it, only humans, and I believe that is our greatest downfall.

But it's midnight, and I'm rambling. Lets save the phil talk for later.

Just shower, meds and sleep for me tonight.