Maple Syrup

Ultimate Winning?

2011-07-19T21:53:00.000-07:00

Last night, after school I came home to my (brand new) apartment where I live with my boyfriend now (MEGA LIFE CHANGE), who was at work until 12:30, sat on the couch to watch Hoarders. Got drunk and then ate a bag of chocolate chip cookies. I then proceeded to do weird & unexplainable things like watch german porn upside down, and dance in the shower whilst clothed. Needless to say, when said boyfriend got home he was very confused as to why:

1) There was water all over the floor

2) There was pancake mix on the counter in the kitchen with a post it note that said "Pancake bitch"

3) There were cookies taped to the wall

4) I was blasting french opera

5) and wasn't wearing a shirt.

6) I changed the background on the computer to a picture of onion rings

I thought that would be like, my ultimate low for the next little while, but instead, today I just didn't quite... get up. I got dressed, kinda. Tank top, underpants, uggs, and post makeout pony tail. But most of my day has been spent watching How I Met Your Mother & eating mega greasy chinese & mountain dew (WHAT HAPPENED TO CODE RED?!). I'm hungover. I'm supposed to be in school. This is awesome. I'm not even sure why I'm writing in this blog, no one will ever read it.

I'm walking the very fine line between BAD (as in alcoholic, lame, and unhealthy) and AWESOME (as in I really do quite love tv & greasy food & not living up to people's expectations)

I think I need an intervention. Or at least someone to control my life. I seem to crumple under my own desires.

I'm going to force myself to put away these chinese food containers, finish the dishes, clean up the appt quickly, and head in the shower, and then to bed. Tomorrow is an early morning, as said boyfriend's mother is coming over, eeps.

I need to lay off the greastastic meals & late night tv. It's not healthy.

Gah.. Love you all. Sorry for the lame rambles.

2010-07-11T00:51:00.000-07:00

Hey there chicas, miss me much?

Yeah, well get used to it.

But, on the flip side, I'll probably paint my fingernails tomorrow.

Oh, and I've got a complex. The sort of complex where you're only interested in guys who are

a) too young (yes, cougar at 18, time to apply for a world record)

b) way too old

c) dating someone else

d) really not interested

e) probably gay

f) fictional

g) all of the above, aka most unattainable men.

Oh, and if you chose all of the above, you're correct! Surprise.

I'm a mess. And if any of my glorious love interests actually get really interested, I run away, so far away.

It's all right though. I'll drown my sorrows in nail polish and lemonade and old Doctor Who episodes. Like a champion.

It's late, and I'm tired from a seven hour shift and I smell terrible. Time for pajamas and facewash, please.

Oh! And I'm trying to get in the habit of writing a bit each day. Not for this blog, like, short stories or chapters or etc. So far, three days of decentness. Lets try and go for tomorrow too, now sport.

Peace out, Holmes. Sherlock. Holmes.

today is a warm grape soda type of day

2010-04-14T09:52:00.000-07:00

So, lets be funny today, shall we?

Well, I'm not sure if I can, as my funny bone (hah hah.) is rusty (not funny/slightly gross) but I'll try.

(every time I say the word try, I want to follow it by saying "Do or do not, there is no try" in a Yoda voice. Cool?)

So, as many of you are wondering, a warm grape soda day is like, a very messed up one.

It starts out surprisingly sweet, then gets TOO sweet, then you swallow a fly, then you're gagging on the ground and people are ignoring you, and then you set it down and want to give up, but your parents say "you opened it and you finish it!" and so you try to sip it, and it makes you sick, so you chug back a bit, and then stagger around moaning as your mouth turns purple, and then you sip it a little more, trying to finish, and then you give up, and when no one's looking, you pour the last bit down the sink, splashing the dark purple dye onto your new white shirt, and then you sigh and set down the can, and just walk away, until your mom yells at you for leaving a can on the counter, and you have to deal with the stupid thing that you thought would be good, and then you throw it into the recycling bin with excessive force, and walk away satisfied that you showed that can who's boss. Then you spend the rest of the night applying Tide to Go on your shirt.

Yes.

That is a metaphor for how my day has been/will be. UNDERSTAND ME.

On a nice and happy note: tomorrow is the last day of class!!

Woohoo!

-Tizzle.

Insanity and the Little Blue Duck

2010-04-07T10:25:00.000-07:00

Oh, so like, yesterday, there was like, this suuuuuuper hot man in my class, but like, he had this braid, from behind his ear, and was like, really weird, in this like, suuper hot way, But, like, he was wearing a skirt. Well, it wasn't really a skirt, more like a dress. With pants. Made out of like, burlap or some shit. And I was like, okay, fine. be eccentric. You're still cute though. And then he like, held this flashlight in his hands, but it wasn't turned on, it was totally unlit, and he held it towards me all like, menacing like, and growled really deep and kinda sexy, if you like dangerous weird men. So I like, fluttered my eyelashes a bit, just a little. and he sheathed his stick. And then he leaned in, and he smelled like grass and sweat and a little bit of citrus, and his eyes were this really light blue. And when he spoke, he had this light irish accent. and basically, he's in my bed right now.

Oh, gotta go!

-Tea

I have the Force

2010-04-06T10:24:00.000-07:00

Oh man. Oh man oh man oh man.

This is my next 2 weeks:

Tuesday 6th- write FPA essay (and hand in) and event report

Wednesday 7th- write English essay, hand in event report apply for bakery job

Thursday 8th- hand in English essay, work

Friday 9th- work

Saturday 10th- write other FPA essay

Sunday 11th- study Archeology

Monday 12th- Write FPA essay

Tuesday 13th- study Archeology

Wednesday 14th- Archeology test

Thursday 15th- Hand in FPA essay

Friday 16th- study

Saturday 17th- study

Sunday 18th- study

Monday 19th- EXAMSSSSSS!!!!!!!ahhhhhh!!!ahhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday 20th- pass out.

Good stuff eh? Lots of fun.

Easter is Magnificent in it's Many Colored Pastel Wonder

2010-04-04T18:06:00.000-07:00

Got that epiiiiiiiiiiiic book with my coles gift card :) Shopping For Vintage. And everybody knows, or should know (you could be a self absorbed crazy person-- I'm not here to judge) that I love clothes. I love making them (although I suck) and wearing them oddly (which I need to do more often) and just looking at their glory online or window shopping. Yes, I do know my designers. I actually can tell the difference between Dolce and Versace. I better freaking get a Tiffany wedding ring. And vintage? That's like the best thing there is.

This book... it's going to change my world.

In the back, it lists EVERY country in the world (excluding odd third world ones- no one wants to shop there) and EVERY amazing little vintage boutique there. Sigh. There are five near where I live, and I want to go so desperately. I'm really into coats from the 30's right now. I wouldn't be able to pull one off right now, but I will be able to eventually, probably :) Hopefully. Please?

So, lets go?

My parents had some very rich people over at our house yesterday. I'm talking millionaires here. And after I came back from chinatown, I had to go change into a skirt and sit up straight and eat nicely and be gracious and pronounce things correctly. It was bizarre. It's always bizarre. But, they said that in all the countries they've visited-- and they've seen a lot-- I could be dropped in the streets of France, and I would fit in perfectly.

Everyone says I look French. But I'm not. And I don't think I look French. I look different, because I have weird coloring. But French? I dunno.

Anyways. Gotta work on my homework. Fails.

-Tibblet.

Lick a Little Lemon. (Happy Easter)

2010-04-04T11:29:00.000-07:00

Ohhh, baby.

You see dat shit? Yeah.

LUCKY ELEPHANT PINK CANDY POPCORN.

Don't tell me you don't know what that is. It's amazing. It's spectacular. It's.... candy from the 90's!!!

oh man. so good. so so good.

And yeah, I'm madly in love with vintage candy shops now and I'm moving to chinatown.

No big deal though. Not like I'm going to like, France or anything. Hah. Hah. Cough.

Okay, maybe I'm going to France too. But that's not for now. That's later. In a few years. Chinatown first.

Terra's Weird Quirk of the Day:

(I drink out of mugs when I have juice and water and stuff. Cold stuff in coffee mugs is the greatest thing in the world. I only use glasses when we have company over.)

And now-- off to write four essays in one day! Skip skip skip off to the happy joy land of HOLYFREAKINGHELLOHMYJESUSIHAVESOMUCHHOMEWORKI'MGOINGTOHAVEASTROKE.

Oh, and happy easter all you kiddies. Have fun with your chocolate :) I know I will!

My Loot:

Lindt chocolate eggs, a Lindt bunny, dark chocolate Cadbury Mini Eggs, a $10 Starbucks card and a $10 Coles card.

Five bucks to whoever can guess which one I'm most excited about :D

-Tee.

I Think I May Be Sappy

2010-03-24T11:53:00.000-07:00

I seriously crave like, romance stories, cute, fluffy, steamy, whatever. Any sort of intense emotion with a happy ending, well, I love it.
And I never thought of myself as sappy or romantic, but now that I think about it... I am.
I want deep red velvet roses on valentines day, I want proclamations of love, I want to be serenaded under the stars. I want a storybook romance, which is so, so, so odd. I always considered myself less than averagely girly, and slightly low matinence. But now that I'm starting to understand myself a bit more...
It's not what I expected, but whatever. I can be chill with this.
Now, to go off and read romantic fanfiction :)
-sigh- :)

:) Good Day

2010-03-24T08:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it's not really that great of a day. I mean, I'm hiding in the library, skipping my tutorial for the class in which I will officially be missing 2 assignments from in about, oh, 28 minutes.

And I'm going to be hiding for the next... 3 and a half hours. 4 total, I just have already spent a half hour checking my e-mail and other similar types.

But, it's a good day because every single day, I seem to be happier, stronger, and much more cheerful. So, today is much better than yesterday, which was better than the day before, and so forth. Tomorrow, well that will be great. Day after? Wonderful. After that? It's just going to get better and better.

I mean, there's always going to be shitty days where it rains and you get mud up your pants, and they're out of coffee at the caf, and you walk into class without any pencils, to a pop quiz. But even a day like that will be better than the dark days. Because inner happiness is something that doesn't diminish easily. It's like, there's this glowy white ball of happy buried deep in your chest. And although the outside stuff may be awful, the happy can still burn bright. And the opposite is true. If there's a dark cloud where the happy should be, even the most perfect of days, (you know the type, where your clothes are all clean and hanging up, and your bedroom is warm when you get up, and you can just smell the pancakes cooking downstairs, and your phone is blinking with a text message from the guy of your dreams, and the radio turns on, to your favorite song, and you just know that this will be an amazing day) but it's tainted, and you can't enjoy it properly.

And it's like, my stormy cloud is gone, it's been gone for a while. But only in the last little while has the happiness come back.

And it feels good. Like there's this special part of my heart that's just there to love life and myself.

I'm not sure if everyone feels this way, but it's nice for the time being :)

don't gamble with your life

2010-03-19T09:38:00.001-07:00

or your head.

or your heart.

Because, when you leave it up to chance, the chances of being destroyed beyond repair are far too high. They should be around 0.0054%, not half and half.

But I'm happy. I'm really happy. Really really happy. Don't worry.

It's just the whole, leaving-it-up-to-chance thing.

I just need to learn how to get in control of my own life, head and heart.

Then I'll be good, and happy, and worry free.

Terrible news

2010-03-17T17:04:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry guys. I would have told you before, but I was shamed.

I..

I have jaundice!

I'm glorious today.

2010-03-10T10:15:00.000-08:00

So, sure it's snowing like crazy outside, and I'm at school, with a dead cellphone and possibly no way to get home. And maybe I attempted to ask someone something, and I need my cellphone to see their response, and I have to wait until 2 o'clock before I can find their answer. And maybe I look like an elf today, as I'm super pale from the cold, and my dark hair is all pulled back, and my pencil pointy chin is super prominent, and my lips are like, pink red, and my eyes are rimmed with red too, from not sleeping. I look like a druggy-elf-rabbit.
Anyways, I was going to say that even all these things are messing up my general happiness today, I still am happy because... Well, can't you tell?
My blog. It's GLORIOUS. It's god-like. Amazing.
Blue did it for me. And for those of you not in the know, Blue is Kate. As she has red hair. Duh.
And also, I have a peanut butter sandwich in my bag. And even though it's SO FREAKING COLD OUTSIDE, I'm going to buy myself a milkshake from the White Spot, and drink it in my Arch lecture. Mwhaha.
And my superhero name is now...

The Bouncing Emo.
According to the loons I call my friends:
" No, it's great
YOu can like, bounce... and shoot emo-death rays that turn people into wilting roses and other assorted emo objects
And, you are deadly accurate with razzzzors
Like, whipping them at things
Wachaaa"

Doesn't sound very cool :D

But I'm not cool anyways :)

And also, I have a mad love for Andy Warhol. And I'm listening to She & Him over and over. And I'm going to make a comic book with Kate and Maggie. It will be splendid.

This blog post is on crack. And now they're debating my gender. Not cool guys.

2010-03-09T10:54:00.000-08:00

I can totally take Vegetarian Entrees and Writing For Young Adults. Then I would be happier than even a clam.

mm

2010-03-09T10:50:00.000-08:00

Ooooooh, the have sugarcraft.

I LOVE SUGARCRAFT.

Pic of sugarcraft flowers:

Tots epic, no?

MOUSSE CAKES?!?!?!

2010-03-09T10:46:00.000-08:00

oh, sweetums

2010-03-09T10:16:00.000-08:00

So, here I am, at school. Again. GOSH, WHY AM I HERE? This place sucks so much, I can't wait to escape.
Sigh. Mother. Father. Trying to remember why I haven't dropped out before today. But I'm dropping out. According to my parents, I still have to go to class for the remainder of the semester though.
And next year, who knows. I was looking at a culinary institute, which would be over $40,000 for two years, money that I really do not have. So, I'm looking at my other options. A local college has baking and pastry arts, my absolute love. But it would mean for me to quit my job, which I love, in order to work for something applicable. Pizza doesn't count as pastry, sadly.
And the college also has an extensive creative writing program, which would make my life very much complete.

Oh, this is so hard.

I'll just have to talk to my parents about that.

Seriously, I could take a course called "Advanced Puff Doughs". I have no idea what that means, but it's epic. Or one titled "Appetizers and Hor d'oeuvers"
Can you imagine taking something called "Cake Decorating 101"?! It's like, heaven.

"Egg and Breakfast Making"?!?! Okay, well I wouldn't take that, because I don't like eggs. Wait. Unless they teach you how to make waffles. Then, maybe.

Okay, must stop rambling about this.

"Easter Breads"?! I don't know what an easter bread is, but it sounds fab! I will make you all easter bread, and sew little bonnets for them. It'll be like my homemade CD cases, entirely epic.

Haha. I'm not cool.

"Glorious Pies And Tarts"?!?!?!

No ways.

Okay, I'll be quiet now.

EIGHTY ONE AND ITS COOL

2010-03-03T11:31:00.000-08:00

So, I'm procrastinating. "What else is new?" Nothing, really. "That was sacrastic. It means you always procrastinate." Oh. "Yeah." vgdsiYFGlhresa

That was cool. Really cool.

MIDTERM IN TEE MINUS 57 MINUTES. And I have yet to study. "Oh, you."

Hahaha. I entertain myself. Which is good, because I don't entertain anyone else. And I had french vanilla coffee today, but it was bad. Watered down and sadmaking. I like my coffees thick and flavorful, and super sweet :) Mmm. I mounted my guitar on the wall. Which looks cool, but now I don't play it as often, because it's out of the way, really. Beside my bed. I stroke it before I go to sleep though. And then the sound of the strings echoes around my room for a few seconds, before fading away. It's like the music box I used to play before I went to bed every night in grade 12. Except less geeky and doesn't go all tinny and bizarre at the end.

I'm so excited for the spring and summer, and this warmth in the air, it feels like possibility. When I go home today, I will be so free. My mom and I are going to go to a garden centre, and get seeds and plan out the garden this year. I told her I want to have a small section for herbs, like thyme, lemon grass, mint, and I want a window tray for my room, where I can grow lavender and maybe a few small window sill pots for crocuses. They're my favorite flower, you know. Bizarre flower to be a favorite, because they don't come in bouquets. If you don't know what a crocus is, I shall give you a picture, seeing as they are lovely.

Yes, gorgeous things :) Alas, now I mist flip through my textbook quickly, and try to soak it all in. And classical music is beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

Today, is a lovely day. The test is but a small mundane blip in the gorgeous weather, the possibilities. I'm going to go for a hike, or dance, or read Sense and Sensibility again, one of my favorite books. I should go through my literature section of my bookshelf, I've got at least 25 novels there, only half of them read. Today is not exactly a Dracula day, even though that's next on my reading list. Maybe I'll read Emma instead.

Ihavecoffeeandallisrightwiththeworld

2010-03-01T20:16:00.000-08:00

I haven't had coffee in two freaking weeks.

TWO WEEKS.

and I was all melancholy and sad, and was like "the world hatessss me".

And I fell asleep at like, 8pm, and woke up at 7am and was grumpy and sad and life was uneventful and dreary.

But then... I found this amazing mix in my special cupboard, called ... Hazelnut. And because I'm just sticking my toe into the ocean, not diving in, I mixed it with chocolate, and whipped it and it's the best thing I've ever tasted.

And I put it in my Daddy's big ass cup, which is the size of three cups, and I'm sipping on it and the happiness is flooding me all the way to my toes.

It's probably the closest thing to an orgasm I've ever had.

Mmmm. So good. I can hardly pay attention to my stupid essay, which isn't as stressful as it was 2 minutes ago.

I think I'm addicted, and that makes me so sad, but not as sad as it would 2.3 minutes ago!

Everythings nicer while caffinated.

Soooo much nicer.

:D

05514583

2010-02-15T13:07:00.001-08:00

So, peeps. What's crackalackin'?

no no no no. I do not count that as news, expecially not of the entertaining type.

More like boring ol' ham.

ew.

andddddd, goodnight.

To Be or Not To Be (Mormon)

2010-02-15T11:03:00.001-08:00

Ahh, what to do, what to do.

Any ideas?

BUmBleebEEe

2010-02-04T15:57:00.000-08:00

Que?-you ask. I say: "Deal with it you old pony".
And then electricity zaps my blood and it's called caffeine but some call it liquid-joy, or legal-crack.
And yes, I have a baby in my house. Okay, two babies. But it's not like, weird or anyhting.

I don't know their names, and they're giggling and smacking things, and eating cookies that I threw in their directions.

Licorice flavored cookies.

Oh, one is called Sarah. I think I'll name the other one Madeline, and force into my sister's yellow beret.

Carmen Sandiego is coming up in conversations far too much for it to be normal. But when is life ever normal?

And my ESP is proven day in and day out. And I closed all the doors, so I can hear it when people change rooms.

All of this just to say, friggin 'ell, ma goddamned art assignment is easy, and I frickin' have no motivation, and I'm losing %5 each day.

And my rash cleared up.

The Clock Strikes Thirteen.

2010-02-02T10:58:00.000-08:00

31. My hair grew out even more

32. My room is 90% finished.

I forgot those on the list :D

And then I have a pic that proves both, when I realized I had a webcam on my PC. I like, only ever take webcam things on my Mac, and it never occurred to me that a PC would have it too. Although it's weird. Has weird themes. Like this theme. I'm not even sure what to call it. Airport? So random, PC, so random.

SEE! lights and bits and curtains and orange and mirrors, and if you look at the upper right hand side, there's a blow up picture of my mommy and me when I was like, three.

My hair was longer when I was three than it is now. So sad.

Anyways, I'm a happy happy persona now, with a lack of stormyness and all that jazz, instead to be replaced by love and rainbows. Not sure whether to thank the paint, or my friends for that. probably politer to thank the friends :)

Especially since two of them actually painted my bedroom with me, which was handy, as I'm not very tall, and my celine is higher when I'm trying to paint it.

Thank goodness every human is built differently. Imagine what the world would look like if everyone was 5'5"? It would be weird. I like 6 foot people too much :D

I'm quite thirsty, I do believe. And I happen to have change. But I'm not sure if I should get orange juice, which is wonderful and sour and sweet and is like liquid happiness, or a mocha, which would match my badassness today. I'm wearing faded black skinny jeans and an over sized grey, holey, man sweater, and my hair is all pulled back.

Orange juice vs mocha. Tough choice.

Tough. Choice.

I think orange juice might win :D

The Sky is an Odd Sort of Grey

2010-02-02T10:11:00.000-08:00

So, lets see what happened since Christmas:

1. I fell in love with Kyle Burns.

2. I painted my nails green to show my Slytherin pride.

3. Talie may or may not have something similar to a boyfriend of the type.

4. Maggie's stalkee became a stalker.

5. ZeReHeaWo lost one unrequited lovee.

6. And then gained another.

7. And then gained the first one back.

8. I made cinnamon buns.

9. They sucked.

10. I started film class.

11. And art class.

12. And a comic book class.

13. And archeology.

14. I memorized the alphabet.

15. Charley got back in touch. Again.

16. My bank account went from in the thousands to... $36.

17. I had a dream about my sister's fish dying.

18. My sister's fish died.

19. I discovered that I have ESP.

20. There was another solar flare, and my grandmother swore it was the aliens.

21. I wrote a really crappy essay in an hour and a half, the day it was due.

22. I found out that my 30 year old, way-out-of-my-age-range lovee is actually 20, and much, much more attainable now.

22.5. And he said I looked like a 6 year old. Not exactly sexy.

23. I went to an art gallery and became cultured.

24. I had about eleven epiphanies.

25. I've been obsessively stalking DracoxHermione fanfictions.

26. I joined a running class, one step closer to becoming a WSG

27. I've come up with a master plan to be a WSG -meaning wilderness sex goddess.

28. I came into contact with him again.

29. I lost contact with him again.

30. I resurrected Slade.

Yes, look at that crazy, eventful list. How did it fit in a whole month and a half? I don't even know. So eventful. So crazy.

Cough.

PICTURE OF KYLE BURNS:

Look at that fabness. One day, I will meet him, and he will fall madly in love with me, and then we will elope to Switzerland, and wear lederhosen, and he can take emo photos of his reflection, and I will be in the background, with pigtail braids being fierce, and as we are both wearing lederhosen, it will be beautiful, and then little happy cookie people will sing us awake everyday, instead of birds and or alarm clocks, and then they will be our breakfast, and delicious.

And I'm slightly mad and have the urge to dance whilst crosseyed.

Yes, mad indeeeed.

Terra

santababy

2009-12-22T08:48:00.000-08:00

gosh, christmas spirit is so lovely. I feel kinda estranged from it while I'm at work, and I miss it.

(I'm listening to christmas songs on my iPod while I'm working, and chewing peppermint gum, pretending it's a candycane, and that my vanilla hand lotion is actually baked goods)

You've got garlic in your soul, mr grinch

you have termites in your smile

you're a foul one, mr grinch

your heart is filled with unwashed socks.

I picked my favorite lyrics from the song I'm listening to. :D Cool music, non?

2009-12-18T10:19:00.000-08:00

I dress like a slob half the time, possibly more, and the rest of the time barely average, with half done makeup and messy hair.
So probably nobody knows how much I adore fashion. Like, with all my heart. I love clothes, and I love Vouge magazine and high fashion.
And yet, still continue to dress horribly while internally wishing I had on 6 inch stilletos instead of ripped fake converse.
So, as new years is coming up, I've decided my resolution will be to dress the way I want to, instead of being to shy to stand out, and to spend more time on my appearance.
What's your new years resolution?

Novel, End of Depression and Deep Theological Questioning

2009-11-05T14:58:00.000-08:00

lalallalalal, I'm writing a novel.

So far, only ten pages. And because I KNOW ZeReHeaWo has like, 25, that's sad.

But I don't even care!

You know why?

No?

Well, it's because it WORKED.

The painting thing. Seriously. I'm over him, I'm over him, I'm over him -tapdance-.

Unfortuanately, no one reads this anymore, so I'll go shuffle into a corner, and like, sit.

And maybe write FIFTEEN PAGES In the next three hours.

Actually, that sounds feisable....

Okay, I have enough inspiration for like, three-four more pages. Hopefully.

But after that, there's a scene in a really trippy meadow where Raidon explains some things, and Kalle starts to find him SUPER SMEXY and then trips and dies.

Or that's what will happen if I don't get some inspiratiiiiion.

Dis.Tress.

That's okay, Hopefully my sister will come on the computer, and I can ask her to tell me what is on the nextpage of my.... scrapbook paper.

THEN IT SHALL BE SUPREME. SUPREME I TELL YOU.

And I suppose if that doesn't happen, I can always draw a map, or do some background stuff. Then I'll publish that as an ENCYCLOPEDIA.

Yes! Brilliant!

JKR took YEARS to publish an encyclopedia for harry potter, and it's not even out yet! I will TRUMP. Like donald. without the wig.

And I have dinner, a snack, and a bottle of OJ. Now, what order should I eat them in...?

-Ponders-

2009-10-29T16:08:00.000-07:00

I totally screwed myself over today. Last night, I was out, so I had my wallet in my purse.
But this morning I didn't put it back.

And I didn't pack myself any extra food, because I was going to buy some.

And my UPass was in it.

And I have to bus home today, as my parents are at a play in metro van.

So, let's do the math.

After all these events have happened, I will be a) starving b) penniless c) on the side of the road with no ride home. And I didn't charge my cell phone enough, so I might not even be able to call for help.

My only hope is that after I get to the bus depot from uni, that the bus driver will take pity on me.

But if they don't...? I'm fuuuuuuuucked.

hush

2009-10-29T15:19:00.000-07:00

As most of the people following my blog know, I have a bit of an issue with being sad. Like, all the time. Yeppers. Some people would call that depression, but I'm not going that far yet.

But, just in case, I decided to research how some other people get rid of sadness without ever you know... telling their parents. And there was some stuff about dark chocolate, lots of light, happy music, flowers and etc.

So I'm leaving the screamo gothic music behind, getting rid of my shrines to weirdness in my room.

And I'm finally ditching the beige.

That's right, my walls will no longer be the colour of pale oatmeal.

Instead, they are going to be a very happy burnt orange-yellow. With a lavender ceiling.

And because I have this thing with doors (I'd rather explain in person than on a blog where all people can see my fuckedupness), I'm getting rid of my closet door, and instead there will be happy curtains.

And there will be mirrors and overflowing crystal vases reflecting light from the window and the multitudes of lamps that will be in there. I want to put lamps all through the room, so maybe there won't be shadows anymore.

I'm even contemplating deleting all the Wednesday 13, Circle Takes The Square, You Me At Six from my iPod. Maybe even my beloved Emilie Autumn.

I mean, last time the doctors made me take a test on depression, I lied on every question. It'd be weird to go back in there and be like "I know you thought I was better, but I really just wanted to be left alone, so I cheated."

They wouldn't be happy. I wouldn't be happy.

Therefore, best answer is happy music and bright lights.

Oui?

2009-10-25T23:36:00.000-07:00

OH THE HORROR OF A COLD BLUSTERY NIGHT WHEN THE CLOCK STRIKES FOURTY TWO AND THE DOGS OUTSIDE BEGIN TO BRAY. THE COLD BED SHIVERS AND THE OWNER FORGETS WHAT HE HAD FOR BREAKFAST, AS THE AUTUMN WIND BLOWS THE SHUTTERS

CLOSED.

throw away the jello, throw away the pain, throw away the memories of any sort of shame.

throw away the children, throw away the veins, throw away the connection that once could make you plain.

No, don't eat that casserole... It's not yours.

2009-10-13T11:41:00.000-07:00

So I'm at work, hiding in my cubical of I'm-a-cool-mutant-princess-ness, listening to a very interesting combination of 3OH!3 and T. Swift, jamming with my ham sangie and some Draco/Ginny fics of cuteness.

Generally, I prefer Hermione/Draco, but hey, I'm open to alternatives. I have a massive crush on Draco though. Not in the movies, Tom whatever didn't exactly developed into a heartthrob. But in the books, with his all black clothes, white blond hair and his angel of death appearance.... Drool. Expecially because he can be a good guy, he's just twisted by his family and stupid ol' Voldie.

:D Lurve.

I wish I didn't have a facebook profile. Isn't that bizzare? But I really dislike facebook at the moment, and I'd rather become invisable to all of our old high school friends.

I'm thinking of running a marathon. Just to say I did it. I'm signing up for a running program with my Daddy in the spring, and will hopefully start running on my own starting... well, yesterday. Anyone interested in running ever so often with me?

I don't have the swine flu anymore. And I'm pretty sure it was what I had, because 80-90% of the flus that are happenin' at the mo are H1N1. I didn't grow a curly tail, but all other evidence points towards the flu o' pork.

This post is so random. I need more of a focus.

There's a play going on tonight, where the homeless dwell. I'm skipping out of math early, and skeedaddleing quickly to it, where I'll catch up with the english class of epicamazinggoodness, to meet Talie and Talie2 before the show which starts later than one would think.

And then the play should be decently lengthy, which puts us at a time that when we're wandering the streets and taking trains in the sky, there will be gang murderings and druggy overdoses all around us.

I'm glad I've got Talie, her asian side will whip out some ass kicking kung-foo-casserole for the crims stalking us. She's like Jakie Chan mixed with Jet Lee, I'm practically as safe as the presidents daughter with her around.

Even with my brawny bodyguard, I'm still a little freaked at skytraining at 11pm. It's when the world starts to get angsty. Shiver me timbers.

But we'll tape our ID to the inside of our shoes, and carry less than two dollars with us, and keep anything shiny out of view, so the magpie-wannabes won't get the urge to purge us of our metallic goods. Safe as a bumblebee inside a buttercup made of bubblewrap and kevlar.

Gosh. I have to leave in like, an hour. But I'm so bored, I can't even function enough to write a gramatically perfect sentance.

Tonight your ghost will ask my ghost, "who put these bodies between us?"

Just... random. Well, lyrics from a song, but has nothing to do with anything. I think it's cute though. Metric has clever lyrics.

Almost as clever as my blog post titles. Mhmmm. (No, not Mmmm. There's an H in it. Dirty girl)

Oh. I just remembered about stuff, and stress hit me like a truck. I erased it quickly, but now I guess I have to make a plan. I mean, the stress might be gone, but it's alerted me to several problems with my life I should organize.

I dislike problems. They're so problematic.

I will be in acess to my e-mail until 1:00pm, then not until super late tonight. And I have no texting ability, as Liffie has been eaten by a bus, after saving her multiple times from the jaws of malls and park benches. This is the thanks I get.

Also, who's birthday is on friday? MINE IS. Happy eighteenth to myself :)

Gosh, I'm young. Dislike.

But hey, I won't be a minor anymore... :D

feeling good

2009-10-04T23:52:00.000-07:00

I feel just like my faded jeans too, miss genius. Feeling good is easy when you sing the blues. And feeling good is good enough for me.

I reread some of my older posts, and I was just a more interesting person back then. My life had more dynamic, involved more people, less secrets. I was weirder, even though I felt as bland as oatmeal. I wonder if I'm gradually becoming less and less of who I want to be. That would be so suckish. If this is growing up, I change my mind. I want immortality after all, sorry for throwing it away when I had the chance. I want it now.

I am going to the shower, as it is midnight, and I'm as tired as a wheat thin. A week of busyness follows, and I know I can handle it all, but I realized it's not the question of whether I can get ages of studying and writing done, but whether I can make sure that this, although busy, is a week not wasted. A week where I can stand at the end and look back, and know that it was a time good enough to be my last.

If there is one invention that humans have created, that I wish could be abolished, it would be stress. No other species has it, only humans, and I believe that is our greatest downfall.

But it's midnight, and I'm rambling. Lets save the phil talk for later.

Just shower, meds and sleep for me tonight.

SUCCESS

2009-10-04T13:31:00.000-07:00

Y'all don't be jealous or nothin', but lookie here at my newfound superpower!

Yes, that IS a ponytail.

Mwahahahahhhaha. It's wunderifferous!

And ignore the disproportion of my head vs body... I look like Alice from Alice in Wonderland, if you've seen the illustrated version. I don't know how it happened, but I'm ignoring that as a possible superpower, and instead saying it was camera angle.

Anyways, must jet off to the luxurious wonderland of OMGMYESSAYWORTHFIFTEENFREAKINGPERCENTOFMYGRADEISDUETOMORROWMORNINGANDI'MNOTDONE

It will be a vacation from the real world that I do not wish to repeat.

Anyways. That's all I had to say.

PIASEOWWT.

Knizzalizaling!

2009-09-20T14:40:00.000-07:00

Guess what everybody!

No. Bad guess. Shut up now, please.

Anyways, remember how long I've tried to knit? (Like, AGES: you're supposed to shout)

Last night, I was moaning to one of my mother's friends (who is also my friend, long story) about how I tried to knit when I was twelve, and am now attempting again, with absolutely no success. And then she asked me to grab my knitting needles, and some old yarn.

And then she preformed magic on my brain.

sixty third post :o

2009-09-17T09:38:00.000-07:00

There's a sign above my head that says "Quiet Please Study Are" And then beside the Are, someone wrote "a" in crayon. Just... random.

I have class at ten thirty, and oh my, it's nine forty!

that's five zero minutes to waste, in case you can't count that high. I was watching a bit of Glee yesterday, the one called Acafellas, or whatever. The screwed up asian man was like "I can't count past thirty".

I enjoyed that. I also enjoyed watching the man with no thumbs eat the cake that was shaped like a thumbs up, but every much looked like genetaila after he finished his attempt at eating. Never cut your thumbs off guys, it looks terrible.

So, I could do something fun: like play a computer game, or write, but they seem too personal to do when anyone could walk by and I'd be humiliated. Actually, this entire floor to the library (there's seven floors, and god do I love it) is pretty much deserted, except for one other person, who I can hear their footsteps occasionally, and they seem to have a cold, as there's been several sniffles, and one cough.

I could also do something like homework, but ... really? I'm not doing homework when it's far too early in the morning to even keep my eyes open or spell correctly.

So, instead I will... CUSTOMIZE MY GOOGLE.

Yes! Yes! It's brilliant!

Talie did it, and it looks cooler than a cucumber. I want it.

-edited out-

One month to my birthday. And then I'll be eighteen, and as fly as a kite.

^random.

So, I'm off to be cool. Custom google, here I come.

Three Hundred Pound Facemaster: The Movie

2009-09-12T19:59:00.000-07:00

I think that pretty much speaks for itself.

ie: I have way too much spare time.

MJPazing is one attractive dude.

2009-09-11T23:38:00.000-07:00

-edited outtttt-

:D

2009-09-11T16:21:00.000-07:00

I edited that rap! Now it's ballin'-er.

Be jealous. And read it again, tell me if you like it bettaaaah :D

Supercaloric

2009-09-11T16:06:00.001-07:00

do you like my witty titles?

they used to make sense, but recently they're too witty to make sense. Shame on their wittyness. will they ever learn?

Work tonight :) It used to be a sad smile, but now I'm excited to -edited out-

Mwahah! It's the perfect yet mildly evil plan! I shall also make good pizza. Good pizza with good stuff on top.

Oh, on a sad note of sadness and family strife, my uncle was in a motercycle accident. Thankfully his wife is a nurse, and he's all good now, although his ribs are smushed unto his belly. But no lung puncturation, no sir!

He will live, and I am happy for that.

onto happiness!~ I was so monsterous this morning. I woke up an hour before I had to go, thanks to a text from ZeReHeaWo, and then fell back asleep, until I had to go in four minutes. Four minutes!

So yeah, suffice to say, no shower, no makeup, no contacts, and when Tallie saw me, she phoned me and said "Oh my god, what the hell are you wearing!"

What an enjoyable day. Enjoyable, I say!

Work, then school, then work again, and I shall be home and ready to partay at eight thirty, hopefully.

If I'm home before that, it means they sent me home early for some unknown reason. If it's later than that, it means my legs are dislocated.

Ah, now going to a family friend's after work.

I'll tell you guys how it goess. later. And my cool kid neighbour is listening to 3OH!3 way too loudly. Because that's what cool kids do, whuuut?!!

Agh. Have to leave in half hour, and must look quite close to perfect to make certain someones love me further :)

Peace, chicolitas!

Rappin' with my ho-mies

2009-09-10T22:37:00.000-07:00

lemmie just scratch this rhyme down on this dirty ol mime, when you think you're so hot you make my junk want to drop, cause your dropping it, fumbling like a foot ball game, and girl you cause me physical pain, and your moving so much the floor trembles from your touch, you're like three hundred pounds, girl, and half of it's your lunch, and when your sweat stops drippin' and begins to pour, oh baby, that's when you know that you're my whore

-- MJPazing "My Three Hundred Pound Facemaster"

THREE CHEERS FOR COOL RAP THAT DOESNT RHYME PROPERLY!

Edited to make the rhyme better :)

haha-FAIL

2009-09-09T20:51:00.000-07:00

Had to delete, because I love you. :)

I'm emptying my blog of all incriminating things. So that I can feel free to talk about it without being all "OH SHIT, now they'll see that thing that I don't want them to see...

2009-09-08T16:51:00.001-07:00

it looks like blue diamonds

or sapphires.

but squishy.

I adore it.

I'm having one every single day.

2009-09-08T16:49:00.000-07:00

OMG MY MOM PACKED ME BLUE RASPBERRY JELLO.

I'm eating it. It's so cool.

All the other kids stare cause they're jealous.

I'm in a corner. Like cool people, whuuut!!1!11!!!

2009-09-08T16:38:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in a corner. Eating a sandwich, out of my wrapper, because I'd rather be thought a germaphobe than a gross hand-eater. And I feel really silly.

BUT THATS OKAY.

Because, I'm at university, and everyone else is either doing similar things, or sleeping.

I'm going to throw out my nasty, cheesy, drooly saranwrap now...

Haha, I wrote that, then I did it, then I felt like I loser again. I wish it wouldn't be weird for me to laugh out loud. It's okay when you're with other people, even if they're not talking about anything funny, but when you're by yourself, it's quite odd to laugh randomlike.

Yay! Tallie signed on msn so I'm not a freak.

Except she's failing at talking to me. YAY. She's responding again.

I think it will allllll be okay. I have FORTY FIVE minutes left to eat three cookies. But I'm quite thirsty.

I'm scoping around for a drink dispenser type thing, but there seems to be little liquids in my general area.

If this goes on for too long.... I'll have to use my razor sharp claws to rip open the sleeping people's bladders, to drink their urine, and finally satiate my thirst.

But that's just a last resort.

New Hair

2009-09-05T11:25:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so I got it cut like... a month(?) ago. And I planned to post a pic, but then I didn't...

So I am today!

A pic of my new faaaahbulous hair. Except. Cough.

Aren't I loversly?

Lunch Break

2009-08-24T12:05:00.001-07:00

I'm on my lunch break at work, and I was scouting around the internet, looking up the definition of crunk, and how to knit house elf hats, and then I found my way here!

And then I remembered my password. It's great, I now have access back to my blog, hurrah!

So, I chopped all my hair off scince the last time I've written here, and I'll have to post a pic later. I also got a tattoo of a naked man rubbing himself on my calf, but I won't put pictures of that up here, as it is inappropriate.

Joking.

I've also gotten a new job, so I'll be going to university full time with two jobs :) It makes me feel like a pro person, although I'll quit this one in a few monthes. Then just school and the pizzaria. Not as intense, but most likely easier.

My wisdom teeth are almost completly grown in on the bottom, but don't even seem to exist on the top. I need to see the dentist soon.

Oh yes, my life is so interesting. You guys missed mucho of me talking about all this important stuff while I had forgotten my password.

Okay, well I should get back to pretending to work. The slacking wont do itself (sadly).

Ahh, three hours before I get to make my escape. I think I shall stay on my lunch break for another twenty minutes, calling in a half hour break when it's really more like an hour. I'm such a rebel.

May karma bring you pleasent things.

Distress and faildom

2009-07-07T23:10:00.000-07:00

I've figured out my courses for first semester, seems pretty good, but I'm failing at everything else. I promised Tallie I'd comment, and I didn't, I told myself I'd spend free time studying so I can finally get my L, but free time is non existent, I wanted to finish my Encounters chapter and start a new SP one, but again with the free time. I wanted to go to bed at a reasonable time, but it's now 11:30 and I need a shower still.

I have so much to do, I can't even remember it all. I need to get organized, and stay that way.

I'm sorry if I'm disappointing you guys with my fail-ness.

Better..

2009-07-01T12:02:00.001-07:00

Here is my personality guys. I enjoy internet tests, even when they paralyze me with the fear of being insane.

What is with the low confidence though? I seriously need to fix that.

Confidence	LowHigh	4
Openness	LowHigh	88
Extroversion	LowHigh	54
Empathy	LowHigh	100
Trust in others	LowHigh	52
Agency	LowHigh	2
Masculinity	LowHigh	2
Femininity	LowHigh	86
Spontaneity	LowHigh	96
Attention to style	LowHigh	96
Authoritarianism	LowHigh	14
Earthy/Imaginative	ImaginativeEarthy	2
Aesthetic/Functional	FunctionalAesthetic	78

Crap.

2009-07-01T11:27:00.001-07:00

So, guys. Sorry to tell you this, but I'm insane. Insane in the membrane. It's proven.

I took an internet test.

Disorder	Rating	Information
Paranoid:	Moderate	more info \| forum
Schizoid:	Low	more info \| forum
Schizotypal:	Moderate	more info \| forum
Antisocial:	High	more info \| forum
Borderline:	Very High	more info \| forum
Histrionic:	High	more info \| forum
Narcissistic:	High	more info \| forum
Avoidant:	Very High	more info \| forum
Dependent:	High	more info \| forum
Obsessive-Compulsive:	High	more info \| forum

You know what that means?

It means I am: Impulsive, irresponsible, I disregard other's feelings, I get angry, depressed, and anxious for no reason, I have low self esteem, I hurt myself, I have unstable relationships, I'm overly dramatic, easily influenced, need to be the center of attention, I exaggerate, I feel the need for praise all the time, I take advantage of people, I feel important, I'm obsessed with fantasies, I have a lack of empathy, I lie to myself, and to others, I am obsessed with beauty, I'm afraid of rejection, I feel inept, I appear self-absorbed, I create fantasy lives, I can't make decisions, I feel helpless when I'm alone, I feel depressed and suicidal when rejected, I'm submissive, I get hurt by criticism and disapproval, I cannot meet the ordinary demands of life, and I become obsessive over things.

Is it just me, or is all of those symptoms just me. It's like my complete personality, wrapped up in psychosis.

Does that mean that who I appear to be, is just many mental disorders, not really me?

Or does that mean that I just have an insane personality?

I need help.

2009-06-23T12:16:00.000-07:00

The little things you have to type in to post a comment disturb me.
I had one that said "Catskin" and it made me sad.

Then the one after it was "burpa"

Like, wtf.

WHY ARE THEY SO SCREWED UP?!

Anyways.

(I texted him)

Life's been fine.

(he hasn't responded)

I'm leaving tomorrow.

(I don't know why)

I'm looking forward to it, I guess.

(Did his phone die?)

Not for the long drive with my daddy and grandma and Pete, because they're all insane.

(Does he hate me?)

At least I'll have ritz crackers with cheese thanks to ZeReHeaWo =)

(I don't understand)

And cranberry juice, all to myself.

(I don't know what to do)

And A's commencement should be shorter than ours!

(Try again?)

But just as much fun afterwards, I hope.

(Give up?)

And I'll be back in time for TMB.

(Be patient?)

Which will be AMAZING.

(I'm just waiting)

We still haven't figured out where to have it though.

(I stopped checking my phone every minute)

My house will be less awkward for Kim

(I feel really upset about this)

But N's house is part of our rituals.

(I'm waiting)

And it won't be too awkward, probably.

(Just waiting)

You choose, people.

(Tell me what to do)

N's house or mine?

(I don't know what to do)

My Experiment

2009-06-19T23:18:00.000-07:00

I've been alone a lot recently. And even when I'm with people, I'm not really there. Family and their friends move around like water, but I'm vinyl. Impervious.

And I miss you guys. But I don't feel lonely, as I wander by myself. I have you in my heart, and take you with me everywhere I go.

I forgot I was alone today, as I wandered through the mall for a couple hours, and then bussed to library, and walked back. I was out of the house from 10:30 to 4:00, and I never felt truly alone once.

I miss him a lot too. It's not a very pleasant place in my mind right now.

I'm worried about whether this will get better or worse after Sunday.

I also thought about taking anti-depressants.

We'll see what happens to my mental state of mind after Sunday. If it gets worse, I might ask.

Oh, to be in grade 12 again.

Life was more complicated, more tedious, more depressing, and more fast-paced.

The days were like hours.

Now they're like a lifespan. Each day to be born, then to die. To grow up, and mature. To experience childish delight newly every day.

They drag on with their beautiful boredom, the boredom itself throwing rainbows like crystals, illuminating the dark, and filling my day with a melancholy tranquil.

It is nearly midnight, and my bones are filling with liquid. My hands are bronzed and wrinkled from the light of the computer screen, and I can feel my joints aching.

I am headed into the shower, then off to die again.

Tomorrows life will be less eventful, I hope.

I need to calm myself.

Prepare for Sunday.

Because, what happens then decides my fate.

No joke.

Life is officially... over?

2009-06-16T22:10:00.000-07:00

High school.

Is over.

Forever.

I think I might die.

I've gathered the important things.

Friends.

Experiences.

An adventure or two.

A new way of living.

Realizations of the past.

I feel clearer now.

Maybe not better

but clean, different.

New.

We'll see how long this feeling of rebirth lasts.

And zomg. Love him times a million.

2009-06-15T22:06:00.000-07:00

I can't fathom sleeping.

It's not late enough to sleep yet, but I just can't think about getting ready for bed at all, not even at the moment.

Rest escapes my wide open eyes.

My mind's not working.

I need today to end, but still more to do.

Highonlife? Or just sad.

2009-06-15T19:33:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling insane.

Lets get married.

Chapters Fail

2009-06-15T19:19:00.000-07:00

I went to Chapters yesterday, and epic failed.

I mean, I had a WILL OF STEEL. But it rusted.

I was going to go in, get Alice In Wonderland, then leave, without being seduced into buying more books.

ALAS.

I found "Alice's Adventures In Wonderland" and was mega happy, as it came with "Through The Looking Glass". Then I was wandering around, and found a whole section of books for vegetarian cooking.

And I was like "Veritable vegetables Batman! I need me some recipes!"

Then I found the "Color of Magic", and my pants melted off in my mad dash to grab the ONLY copy off the shelf.

And THEN (I know, I have no will power), I found the sale table!

I found a "How to Read a Novel" book, and popped a book on good karma on my pile for good measure. I mean, 5 bucks for a book on karma? What a steal!

I almost bought a book on baby names, and another on how to be relaxed. But I went internal barbarian, and forced myself to stop.

Life is exciting.

I'm so interesting.

I made hashbrowns from the recipe book, I attempted to read the Karma book, but it was making me sad, I've read half of the "Color Of Magic", and I haven't even taken the other two out of the bag.

Epic.

Fail.

Little Spazz

2009-06-15T17:23:00.000-07:00

Hmm. Going to work?

2009-06-10T17:41:00.000-07:00

I wonder if this will actually work.

If it does, I'll probably delete it.

But wouldn't it be fun to have random video blogs too? I would love to see your guys' pretty faces when we're all separated :)

And I'm sorry that I'm such a freak. Most screwed up video.

Tell me how it worked on the comments!

If it takes forever to load, or something, I'd love to know so I don't do it often slash at all.

Love you all!

TERRAZEHSUPREME.

gosh, i fail

2009-06-07T14:48:00.000-07:00

NEW CHARACTERR:
A bulimic girll !!

Alas, she is stolen, by Maggie.

But don't forget her!

Oops.

2009-06-07T14:43:00.001-07:00

I forgot :)

There is one scene, set at sunrise, where everyone is needed.
I'll need you guys at like, 4:30 am, because the sun rises early in the summer :)

Moviee

2009-06-07T14:24:00.000-07:00

List of characters: (don't judge!)

Women:
A girlfriend abused by her boyfriend.
A girl who becomes pregnant.
A ballet dancer.
A girl pressured into drugs.
A girl pressuring said girl into drugs.

Men:
A boy who comes out of the closet.
A boy who is gay-boy's best friend.
The boyfriend who abuses his girlfriend.
The boy who gets a girl pregnant.

Now, if you choose to do one, I'll send you an in depth analysis of their character. None of these guys are very ... fun to portray. You will not all be filming at the same time, the people are in pairs, or by themselves. I can film each segment in about a day, although the abuse one might take two.

Oh, in the end, they all die. But the only one's you see dead is the abuse girl, and the pregnant girl. The rest symbolically die.
And only sign for the ballerina if you are very good. She doesn't have any lines, she's just a symbol.

OKAY.
Sign up, peopless.

Forever and ever :)

2009-06-07T09:14:00.000-07:00

...

SORRY!

I love you. All of you. I swear. I'M SO SORRY I HAVENT BEEN POSTING.

'Specially you, CeeHearts. Tallie. :)

HERE WE ARE. THE GORGEOUS BLOG CREW. EXCLUDING ASHLEYY, CUZ SHE FAILS LIKE THAT.

Crappp quality. Because I stole it via e-mail, from my daddy. I have a few more, but they're similar to everyone elses. So, I don't think I need to do anything with them, like send them to Tallie.

So, what is up, homeslices? Not much? Me neither.

I mean, seven freaking days of school left. SEVEN DAYS. How the beep did that happen?

It's slightly nauseating.

I need ACTORS.

FOR MY MOVIE.

It's just going to be an artistic indepentant film, so no, you don't get paid.

And it will probably never become seen by most people.

We'll see what we can do with it though.

It's highly inapropriate.

By the way.

I need five girls and four boys to be the main people. And one of the girls has to be a semi-good ballet dancer.

And two of the boys have to be gay, or pretend to be, at least :)

It'll be harder to get the boys than the girls, although I think I've got one already. He doesn't know it yet, but he was in Tallie's and my canterbury movie, so he should be fine with it.

Um, I'm going to type up the movie right now. If you're interestedd, I'll send it to you.

It doesn't have a script, I don't work like that.

Just a plot. A plot plot plot.

OH.

The theme?

You want the theme?

Well, it's two things. It's potraying some of the things that happen to people our age, and I also want to show how damaged, broken beauty is more beautiful than purity, and how people can forget themselves, and their souls.

Mwahaha.

It'll make sense after.

PROM MAKEUP

2009-05-28T17:47:00.000-07:00

Soooo. I got my prom makeup done, as a super practice thing.

Oh, you want to see it?

I knew you would, what with my GORGEOUSNESS and all.

IF YOU ARE A SKEPTIC ON WHETHER I COULD EVER IMPROVE ON MY GLORIOUS BEAUTY, YOU SHALL BE PROVEN WRONG. LOOK AT THE PICTURE AND SIGH WITH ENVY.

If you are wondering why I am not looking at the camera, it's because when my face is turned towards it, I look like this:

Yeah, be jealous.

But not really.

At all.

ANYWAYS.

Dinner time, suckas! Go eat a fetus, you baby-eaters.

Yes, I just called you Irish.

I went there.

Epiphany

2009-05-26T15:46:00.000-07:00

I learned that word from someone who's angry with me... -melancholy sigh-

I will not be posting proper posts on the blog for two weeks, until school is out, chicas! I will post small bits here and there, but not every day, unless I become accustomed to not sleeping.

I will also not be on facebook or msn or anything like that. I will keep myself off and away from the computer at all times.

1) Oh, and I found your goddamned cell phone charger.

2) And I'm probably not going to Quest.

3) And I'm sorry, I really am.

4) And I think you're supa kewl too, love bug.

See if you can match who you are to who I'm talking about.

OFF TO HARDCORE STUDY AND BE ALL AROUND COOL.

Lots of lurve..

Ter

Oh.

2009-05-25T21:18:00.000-07:00

This is difficult. Because someone is mad at me. And I'm hoping she'll read this, and cease to be angry. But I don't want to say too much, because that may or may not be why she's mad at me in the first place..

First of all. I understand where you're coming from. And I'm sorry, I really am. I never thought it would affect you like this. I never, ever want to hurt your feelings.

Second, I can't fix it. Not really. I will not do it again, but I can't fix what I already did.. I wish I could though.

...

I wonder if this is all about this particular incident, or if there's more. I almost hope that there's more you haven't told me, so I have the opportunity to fix other mistakes.

Grad is so very close. And I want to make peace with you. I want you to forgive me, so we can put the hurt behind us.

I don't know how upset you are about this, but it's really making me depressed. I can't feel happy knowing that you're angry. I can't look forward to everything coming up when I feel like you hate me, even a little bit.

I want to talk to you, the next chance we get. I'll bug you about this tomorrow, I promise.

But it usually works when you get a chance to tell me all your feelings over msn or on the phone. I don't want to make you uncomfortable by talking at school.

I won't be on msn tonight. Sleep deprivation and all.

Tomorrow, okay?

But please treat me nice.

I'm hurting just as much as you.

Lets please not turn this into another breakup.

Our group can't handle the damage.

Nuathazing.

2009-05-21T22:12:00.000-07:00

Like a famous person once said in a famous quotation; "Joanna's behind the hotel. And, m'dear? Fetch me my slippers"

Recognize it?

I'm going to drop it in every conversation I ever have.

And Zhe Fratellis sex up my world.

So, if you've got a spare hour, listen to them. It's impossible to stop.

Love times a million.

I do enjoy teas.

Flavored teas, the best.

Sooooo.

Tea party?

Or we can do a strip tease in Leigh's Square, but that might get us arrested like Serena.

Oui.

Hardcore GG reference right there.

Hard. Core.

I'm nude, again, fyi.

I don't fit into any of my clothes, seeing as I've eaten the majority of an italian village. Slash a large milkshake.

Tomorrow, I'm going on a long car ride with my mother, who doesn't like me much at the moment.

And I will eat my weight in bubblegum, and water, savoring the lack of calories, and ignoring the grumbly tummy. For that milkshake had thousands of calories.

Even stevens, kaykay?

I'm still sad.

Sad like a fish without it's father.

lettuce bee friends :)

Oh, the causualties that happen when you pretend to be stone.

So, over the weekend, I'm going to spend a lot of time inside my head.

And hopefully I'll fix all my personality issues.

And come back perfect, and not all screwed up.

Although, I enjoy some bits of the screwed upness.

Liiiike. Adrenaline. I like being addicted to adrenaline.

It makes my heart beat faster, and it makes all the sad feelings go away.

And I like my emoness, to an extent.

Maybe I could just fix a few things.

Like my ability to speak without thinking.

Gone.

And my inability to come on time to school.

Vanished.

And my obsession with him.

Poof.

Maybe they wont go away though.

Maybe they're ingrained in my soul.

But I hope not.

Okay.

I'm off to read "The Undomestic Goddess"

Talie, if you haven't read that yet, I should lend it to you.

It's lovely :)

So.

Enjoy life without me, people.

I'm living in a cave, my family and myself for company.

Question:

Am I a good liar?

Because I didn't think so.

But someone said I was.

I don't know.

It confuses me.

Prolly better if I don't tell untruths, and instead to have faerie blood in me veins.

'Cos they can't lie.

Ouiness?

Lovee. me.

Today's A Lemon Day.

2009-05-21T20:08:00.000-07:00

Congrat's all, it's me again. Terra, bitch.

Life is hating me again. The only good thing about my day was that I may have gotten lovely aviator sunglasses, that are super duper epic. Ooh. Picture app....

Wow. that's weird.

BASK IN MY SUNGLASSES, WENCHES!

Because I love you all.

In fact. I feel like getting married. Anyone up for it?

Uh oh. My badassbritneyspears song ended.

So I'm not nearly as hardcore right now.

Sooo fail.

-Changes song-

Thank goodness and all that jazz for Cobra Starship, who I can never quite stop worshipping.

So. Everyone's hating on me today. Not just one, or even two people. More like five.

Far too many for my own sanity.

In fact.

I might go off and be insane, and not in a cool way. More like a, spoon licking, over using of the tear ducts, hand glued to a remote control type of insane.

I'm practically just living from day to day. It's not that much fun. But the future is dark, ominous, and empty.

Not so much fun to focus on.

Sadly, when it gets to this point of depression, I cheer myself up by saying "You'll see him tomorrow."

I might. I'm sad.

Phoning people is distressing.

But I might do it anyways.

Computer isn't personal, it's all business.

Now I go, still an epic fail, still depressed, and still hated by all the people that matter.

Sooo.... Fuck my life.

At least my sunglasses are cool.

And I might see him tomorrow...

(Oh god, I'm pathetic)

2009-05-15T23:42:00.001-07:00

...

2009-05-15T23:03:00.000-07:00

Here We Go Again.

2009-05-15T21:46:00.001-07:00

After fun, there's this low. You know what I'm talking about, right? After something with friends, and everyone's laughing, and having a good time, and then all of a sudden, you're home alone, parents out, cell phones off, no one to talk to, nobody to stave off the complete and utter loneliness.

And there's one person that I didn't want to be without. I thought I would be okay this weekend. I deluded myself into thinking that it was getting better, not worse. I told myself that this weekend was going to be fine, and I wouldn't miss him at all. Then I missed the after school talking bit. And I pretty much crumbled.

Being around people made me less depressed. But everything I did was to impress him, even though he wasn't there. I was constantly looking around for him, hoping to see him, when I knew he wasn't there.

When I walked into my empty home, the last thing I wanted to do was to be alone with myself.

I didn't want to feel this hopeless pain, a feeling that never quite goes away. I wanted distraction, something to make me forget, even if just for a moment.

I turned around, and left again.

I wanted to go somewhere near a road, in case he drove by, I wanted to be in the light, so he could see me. I wanted to be somewhere where he could join me.

I chose to sit at the very top of the slide at the elementary school playground. I faced the road, turned on the creepiest music I owned, and waited for someone, who was not going to come.

A man and his dog came to see me, and tried to get me to come down, but I pretended I couldn't hear them. I turned my music up loud, and texted, trying to enjoy the feeling of adrenaline that the night air and the scary music, and the possible danger of a man who most likely thought I was suicidal.

The man left, and I was alone, again, with the ache, and the sadness, and the cold.

If it wasn't so damn cold, I'd probably be there right now.

I stood to leave, and then it happened again. But better.

It was a van. His van.

Right model, right color, right license plate.

It was him.

Again, my body responded before my mind did, and I broke into a run, trying to follow. I realized as I grabbed my cell phone, as to keep it from falling, like it did the time before, just how pathetic I was.

I followed him to a four way stop, and lost him again. The same four way stop that I lost the other van before.

Red lights blinked in the distance, and my feet started to walk after them, but I stopped myself. The streets were black, with slight orange glow every couple blocks. If I followed, I would be in the dark most of the time.

I was so empty, desperate shards of hope all I had.

I thought about the three days I had before me, stretched long with wasted time and being alone.

I thought about following the van down the road, into the unknown blackness, at nearly ten at night.

I wondered what would happen if I managed to follow him, stalking him to his house, watching him leave his car, enter into the building. I'd probably wait a moment, to see if he would come out again, knowing that he wouldn't. I'd memorize his address, and probably go there every day, all weekend.

I wondered what would happen if I went home, sinking into my black hole. I pictured sitting down at my computer, trying to cheer myself up with happy music, and pretending to be a complete person.

I chose to go home, because of the dark. I told myself, as a proper mother should, that it was too dark to chase after ghosts. That it was late, and I needed to get myself in a warm place.

And so I followed my own advice, and went home unwillingly, wishing I had chosen the other option the whole way home.

The cold and the dark didn't raise my adrenaline anymore. I was completely empty, no high from the night could help.

I made it home alive, if that's what you're wondering. I ran the last bit home, and checked my e-mail to see if he sent anything (He never has).

I'm so screwed up.

Another three days until I can be at school again, another weekend down the drain. Another week of hopes, and disappointment. Then another weekend of complete depression.

When I was so depressed last friday, I felt like life was coming to an end. I changed my facebook status to say I was having a mid life crisis. That's what it felt like.

High school is my life. And it is almost ending, killing me. He is my life, and soon I will never see him again.

Yesterday, over facebook, he said to me "LOL at your status".

It was about him.

He asked me if I was planning on dying at 30. And I can't even imagine living at thirty.

His status was saying he had gotten into the university of his choice.

His life is moving onward. Mine is hanging by a thread.

Three days. And then everything resumes.

And I am Officially Creepy

2009-05-14T22:33:00.000-07:00

So, I'm scary. I maybe follow people. And stalk them. And spend excessive amounts of time in their general presence, pretending not to see them, when i am only there for them, and I know they can see me, and they don't talk to me for some reason. A) I'm scary, and I scare them. 2) They were intimidated by my group of one other person I was standing with III) They were indifferent, and just didn't care.

Six reasons why my life sucks.

1) I am breaking out like Sirius from Azkaban.

2) My feet hurt.

3) I just maybe was called names by someone that everyone knows who I am talking about, hopefully. And I'm not sure what that means.

4) I have this weird daydream that involves coats, that is NEVER going to come true.

5) I got 63% on my Biology midterm.

And the most important reason:

6) I just realized how creepy I am.

But, to even out my self confidence...

Six reasons why my life doesn't suck so much.

1) I have a box of chocolates in my room.

2) I have TWO gay pride bracelets.

3) Joaqui's hair is my new obsession.

4) I just talked to someone on facebook, and although I was called something I didn't know what it meant, it was cute-ish.

5) I am going to have a shower, and I might eat aforementioned chocolates in there, possibly with manga.

And the top reason why my life doesn't suck?

6) He said he has a poem to show me in class tomorrow.

So yeah. Pretty even stuff, eh? But not really.

Um.

I'm pathetic.

Please give me things so that I do not turn to dust. Like, a flower. Or invitingmeandhimtosomeeventthatwouldnotbecreppybutwouldallowustohangoutinanonschoolenviromenteventhough heispregnantwithyourFASchild. -coughAshleyycough-

Off to the shower I go.

or as some people call it...

NAT.

Vanilla Coffee Times Two

2009-05-12T21:30:00.000-07:00

Shiver me timbers. I was planning on going to bed early, so my eyes wouldn't be bloodshot and druggy-like tomorrow, when I wear contacts. And then I realized that I had a coffee at five, when I was watching pre-recorded gossip girl, and gasping at tow weeks ago's exploits. And I just finished my second one, which was, sadly, better, from Timmies, after wandering the streets, people creeping with Maggie.

So, sleep?

Don't think so. I am going to have a relaxing bath time, and try to make myself tired, so I can be in bed before midnight.

When I was at Timmies, we ran into two people that I knew. One of which wouldn't find the fact that I had my hair in Sailor Moon buns, had a gift wrap ribbon wrapped around my head, and had dandelion fluff embedded in my hair as very odd for my persona, and one that possibly might, and also might possibly pass it on to someone who I don't want to think of me as that type of weird.

If that makes sense.

I'm starting to not look towards this summer with dread. It's not changing, I am just becoming slowly less attached to school, and trying to be optimistic.

Actually, maybe my progress is lacking, because just talking about the end of school is making my cry a little bit.

I don't want it to end...

Grade 12 was okay, but the three years before it were amazing, and letting it all go, for an indeterminable future is not one of my strong suits. -bursts into tears-

Wouldn't it be nice if we al moved on to the rest of our lives, but together? I don't mind changing schools, but there's some people I love and never want to let go of, and there's others that I wish I had more time to get to know them.

Just one more year of the same people, and the same places, and I think I could do all I need to do. Telling them what I really feel, and not being afraid to say something that may come back to haunt me.

Everything is ending, ending, ending. And the moments that are wasted become so precious, and the moments that are not are far too few.

In short, life sucks.

I think I'm going to go shave my head.

God, How Much Can One Person Fail?

2009-05-11T23:02:00.001-07:00

So. I finally made it home, worn out from plant shopping, guitar lessons, school, and all the little things, and I was starving.

Then I realized that my mom had bought FABRIC. And I was so excited, (because I've become newly obsessed with making clothes, never done it before in my life) and I made this absolutely HIDEOUS pink and green plaid pleated skirt with a vecro do-up, made with old material, for practice. I figured it was enough practice, I was pretty much pro now, I could move on to making something out of the real fabric, drawing the patterns myself, adding all sorts of detail, and ect. Plus, the skirt took my about 45 minutes, and it was easy, even though it was damn ugly and not big enough for a new born baby.

I JUST finished. It's 11 'o clock, and I've been working on this for about... six hours. well, one for the skirt, the rest for the dress I made.

So, it's better. It's not good. I'm not wearing it out in public. Maybe on top of a bathing suit or something. But it's not.... appropriate.

So, I have to go now :) Off to possibly EAT something, because I haven't eaten since I stole two chips lovingly from Ashleyy apres ecole.

And I should study for the bio midterm tomorrow. I mean, 15 minutes of study time should be good. It won't be that hard.

It's only a midterm for gosh sakes.

Maybe I wont study at all. Like, I need to shower...

I'm ashamed at how much I fail.

Oh, I just made a wish.

It's 11:11.

I fail even more now.

Love you all!

Terra

So Much For Sleeping In

2009-05-09T08:49:00.000-07:00

It's only 8:50, but nobody is awake here... And I thought I was waking up late when I set my alarm for 8:30. I was like "Everyone should be awake, and then I can shower quickly, and be ready for the day by 9:15, when everyone else would be ready."

I'll pop in the shower, but I doubt everyone will be ready. My sanity is loose when it's 2 in the morning, and I can't sleep for the life of me.

This morning will be my catch up time. Folding laundry, cleaning cages, ect. Then I'll read Pepys, and then forget about the biology test completely.

It will be great.

Sad.

2009-05-08T15:49:00.000-07:00

Sometimes the better things are, the harder it is to recover when they're over. Weekends are a tragedy to me. Days wasted, time spent not with him. The better the last day of the week is, the harder the weekend is to live through.

Days keep slipping by, marked only by memories of him. If something doesn't happen soon, I'm going to explode. And it really seemed like something was on the verge of happening.

He asked me how I was, and I said I was good. He rocked nervously back and forwardth on his heels, and I smiled up at him. "How will you be tomorrow?" he asked quickly, his words blending together. My pulse doubled. I ineloquently said "What..?"

He said it again, alternating looking at my face and the cement beneath us. He apologized for wording the question oddly, and I said it was fine, and I would be probably just as good tomorrow. Lies. I have serious depression problems on weekends.

The conversation dropped, and he left after a few minutes of talking about what we were doing on the weekend; his full of parties, mine... not.

And my stomach plummeted when I realized that there were still two and a half days until I could see him again. Days empty, no matter what I do.

Schools ending soon. Our time will run out. And then I will have the rest of my life to live, without him.

And I don't know if I can survive that.

I don't know if I can get over this.

Chilling In The Library

2009-05-08T14:39:00.001-07:00

So our secret lives are no longer quite so secret. We are in the library, Ashleyy and me. And maybe, possibly, we are sitting side by side, writing posts. And maybe, possibly, kinda, Ashleyy's football lover creeped on our blogs. And now my internal thoughts are published to the whole world.
And I need to write. I need to write a new chapter, some more poetry, and a good blog post. And then I need to read. I need to read Pepys and the end of my manga book.
I need a life. Soon I will be the blank to someones blank, and maybe I will see the love of my life soon.
Ashleyy is dragging me away. School work calls her, it repulses me.

My Second Lover

2009-05-07T21:56:00.000-07:00

I have a secret to tell you all. I'm secretly emo/gothic/suicidal/a closet necrophiliac girl. If you enjoy that part of me, I have a second blog started, where all my depressive, woe-is-me type poetry goes. Yes... it's mostly based on real life. Highly exaggerated though.

And here is another secret. I want to write a damn good steamy sex scene. I want the ability, I don't want to like, keep it in my room or something. I just want to be able to not blush whenever I write the word "groan". Awkward, right?

Also, I have this epic plan where I am going to make money on the side by selling to romance novel companies. It's like, 500 bucks a book. I could do one every month, and it would perfectly supplement a part time job during university. Yes, I know that plan is severely flawed. But it is my dream, don't crush it!

I should go shower, and read Fushigi Yûgi (which is so cute, I recommend it, even though it's so superficial) and then sleep.

But sleep is so boring. And my time is running out.

And I have all these wonderful books! I have five manga books, four of them shôjo, and one action (I'm practicing my asian-ness, even though I'm whiter than wonder bread) and many other fabulous poetry books, as well as a step by step guide to writing romance!!! Epic sex scene, here I come!

That sounded weird.

The Mating Dance Of Japanese Birds

2009-05-07T16:29:00.000-07:00

Talie: You're just jealous of my nipples.

Later on ---

Ashleyy: You have pianist fingers.

Talie: .... Pardon?

Who knew watching documentaries could be so fun?

Now everyone knows, that anything with those two MUST be fun. Although they made fun of me for not eating noodles on a regular basis. And for wearing slippers :)

But, my feet were cold. I had to bring them!

Oh, if only it weren't over so quickly...

We'll have to do it again, lovies!

Levitationnnnnnnnn -explode-

2009-05-07T13:08:00.000-07:00

Wingardium Leviosa! I don't know if I spelt that right, but imagine it with a flick of the wrist. I hope you're floating. If not, my magical career is down the toilet.

The exam I've spent every inch of my spare time working on for the last month and a half is over. And it was so much easier than I thought it would be. I'm listening to Panic! At The Disco to make myself feel less empty. After spending so much time on something like that, there's only one question to ask yourself.

What now?

I mean, life goes on. I'll still have homework, I've still got stories to update, I've still got prom to shop for, still have exams to study for, still have coffee to drink. Speaking of that...

Yum. I've got some now.

As I was saying. I still have lots of stuff to do, but I feel really weird. I should start to give myself a social life. Anyone want to hang out friday!? I want to go to Vancouver for dinner. Everyone should want to as well :)

You're officially invited.

My mommy gave my a notebook today. It's an old one of hers and it says 'Love' on the front. And there's little quotes about love on the inside. It made me feel really depressed.

Not the notebook giving thing, but all the love stuff. Hence the poem I wrote in the first page, and also posted up here. It's very anti-love, if it's hard to decipher. Although, it's a poem. It can mean whatever you want it to :)

YAY! I have a social life now! I must go grab socks!

Poetry

2009-05-07T12:54:00.000-07:00

And forward spilleth the broken seeds of beauty

over time become whole

broke with the heart.

And lilies bloom alongside empty paths

their destinations long forgotten

while the kings of dreams find other homes.

And with the greatest ease he doth pick them up

planting many along a road to annihilation

one in a heart.

And when the plaster cast breaks wrinkles and tears stain faces

scars for eternity.

And when the light shines

or the rain falls

it brings forth acid seeping into places secret from ourselves.

Forever changed, holes with burning edges

scars on our souls, we move on.

I Want My Own Jack Dawson

2009-05-06T22:52:00.000-07:00

"I don't know about you, but I intend on writing a strongly worded letter to the White Star Line about all of this."

Yep, instead of going to sleep early like a good little girl before an exam, I watched Titanic for the umpteenth time. I do believe that Jack is amazing, and I think there should be someone just as perfect somewhere out there. Maybe without the spitting though :)

Anyways, I wanted to share that quote. Because it shows just how fabulous and funny, and sweet, and it's just after he sacrifices his own life that he says that. And I love him.

I have to go to bed, or else I'll never ace this thing

And Then There Were Many

2009-05-06T19:08:00.000-07:00

Zeh Redheaded Wondah now has a blog too! I do believe this was one of the best idea's I've ever had.

I Officially Waste Time Chasing Cars

2009-05-06T18:21:00.000-07:00

Life seemed bleak, and I decided to go on a walk, in the weak hopes that I would run into a certain someone. I never really think I will run into him, but my heart always leaps when I think of leaving the house, in the hopes I do.

It started out nice, listening to Cute Is What We Aim For, the mist and cherry blossom petals flying everywhere. I was having imaginary conversations with him in my head, because I never get enough real ones, when a van drove beside me. I glimpsed in the window, and my sanity was stripped.

It was him.

Or so I thought. The car drove further, distracting my view. It was the wrong color, not the van I had seen before, but there was a sticker on the back indicating that the boy driving it was around my age. He was even wearing the right colored shirt.

I looked down at my feet, petals stuck to the toes of my shoes, and shrugged. I had nothing left to lose.

I started to walk after it, then started to jog, then to run. His car turned the corner, and I lost sight of him.

My cell phone fell out of my pocket, and I contemplated leaving it there, before turning back to retrieve it. By the time I reached the corner, he was long gone.

Dejectedly, I started to walk back down towards my house, but not quite ready to go home. I decided to visit the elementary school nearby, and as I came into view, I saw the van drive through a break in the trees. My heart stopped; I wasn't sure if I was hallucinating or if it was real.

I continued to walk near the school, and then I saw the van again, coming towards me. I tried to walk normally, knowing that they must have seen me chasing it before. It drove down a dead end, and parked there. I walked towards it, on the opposite side of a fence, only occasionally glancing at it. It stayed there, until I was about two thirds of the way down the hill.

It began to turn around, then drove past me again. I had the urge to run after it again, but I didn't get to see who was driving very clearly. It could have been him. It could have been not.

I sat next to a river at the bottom of the hill, and attempted to catch my breath and my shards of dignity. My sanity was already long gone.

I walked out of the school yard after a few minutes, desperately wanting to see the car again.

In the sidewalk cracks, dandelions grew. I gently picked a white fluffy one, and held it to my lips, making a special wish, before I blew the seeds off. I reached out to grab the floating fluff, when the van drove by again.

It seemed to be going in circles. I began to get a little worried. If the person driving it was him, then that would be really cute. If it was someone I've never met before... I'd be disturbed. I couldn't figure out where they were going, and why they seemed to be popping up so often.

I dropped the dandelion stem to the ground, and followed the van. It stopped for a moment at a four way stop, and I looked down, rain starting to fall heavier. I looked up for a moment, and he was gone.

I cursed myself for being so negligent, and when I got to the intersection, I saw no clue as to which way he turned. I picked the one road I thought was the prettiest, and walked up. I walked for a very long time, wandering and weaving in and out of roads and alleyways, until I gave up.

I was dissapointed. I kept expecting to see the van, look in the window and have the heart sinking feeling that happens with sickening realization. I kept expecting the disappointing thought to come into me head, It's not him...

I was walking along the last road to turn into my street, and I heard a car drive by slowly. The song I was listening to came to the chorus, the lyrics pounding in my ears.

And what's a crush to do?

What's a crush to do?

I looked over, and it was the van. It stopped at a intersection as I was crossing, and it started to go as I got nearby. I wanted closure. I wanted to find out who it was.

I looked in the window, but all I saw was a blur, as the van drove away.

I had the urge to follow it again, but I resisted. I went home, petals still stuck to my shoes, stepping on every crack in the pavement, the rain soaking my hair.

I see your face everywhere.

Leader of The Pack

2009-05-06T14:52:00.000-07:00

And now, another fabulous person has a blog. Her name is ... Talie :) And she is wonderful. Her poems make my life complete, and without them, I don't know where I'd be.

I think I've mentioned everybody so far, but let's hope for more!

So, I went to school for the purpose of furthering my education, purely. I did not go for any frivolities. I wanted to just study, and leave. Sadly, that was pretty much how it went. Because I secretly had other ideas on my plan for the day, and everything pretty much crumbled to dust.

Great day. Great day.

My cousin had an appendicitis attack, and I broke a nail. Also, I was poked by a trombone. But that was actually quite enjoyable.

Tomorrow is a huge exam. A huge exam. I am very very very excited.

Butterflies are welling up inside of me, until I finally vomit an explosive amount on rainbow colored insects. Lovellllyy.

Oh, another sad thing that happened today was that I refused to allow myself to have a vanilla coffee. It may make me happier, but I decided to have caffeine free lemon ginger tea, so I go caffeine deprived now, and then am fine for the exam. It's genius, no?

Now, on to hard core studying. Then I will relax, and meditate, and be zen, go to bed early, and then be all peppy tomorrow.

The best way to wake up, would be opening my eyes to see Talie's face giggling above me, holding a camera, and a bottle of water, dripping it down the neck of my shirt. Alas, that can only happen once.

Maybe I'll walk on the wild side, and have a vanilla coffee waiting by my bedside table :)

Wouldn't it be nice.

Maybe I can pay my mother to do that for me...

Statistics

2009-05-05T23:15:00.000-07:00

Hello, my name is Annie Bradley, and I live in a two story home, with two bathrooms and a luxurious front sitting room. I eat out every third day, to meet my husband, who works too much. I have a cat, named Kitty, and a dog named Bark, who have a war going on over the territory of the only easy chair in the house. I don't like spiders, and I have to take pills to make me sleep at night, and more to make me smile in the morning.

And I have two and a half kids. I had a lovely daughter, and then twin boys shortly after. While I was busy in the bathroom with a tricky wax strip, my daughter was cut in half due to a freak accident involving a bandsaw and eleven clowns. (How many clowns does it take to cut a child in half? Apparently, eleven.)

They apologized profusely, and I got a check from the government, enough for surgery to save her life. But my daughter is, and always will be, crippled.

I understand this is a common event, as the latest statistics show, and I want to put it to a stop. Please donate to my foundation I have created, Two Arms - Two Legs - One Heart. Pamphlets are available at all amputee wards at local hospitals, and all hardwood stores.

Take you're child's ability to be an integer seriously, it doesn't take much to turn them into another fraction.

I need to sleep.

Oh, and my soul mate/writing buddy? Go to her blog too :)

Maggie. I told you I'm starting a trend.

The Love Of My Life

2009-05-05T22:14:00.000-07:00

Everyone go check out Ashleyy's blog of fabness.

That's all I have to say.

Butterflies and Knives

2009-05-05T21:13:00.000-07:00

So, my friends have all died, and it's pretty much national skip school day tomorrow, but only for our school. And I'm going anyways, for the slight chance I might run into someone there... Because I'm lame; it's just how I roll.

I seem to have started a blogging trend. So it seems. It makes me happier than waking up to chocolate chip pancakes.

My lucky guitar pick is chillin' beside me. The scary white alligator grins up at the computer screen, saying hello to you all in a very friendly and reptilian way.

One person has died from an overdose of fishsticks, slash being eaten by a puddle. So I assume. The inflatable butterflies may have gotten her though.

And another has been murdered by her pet pig named Frederick, who happened to pass on the H1N1 virus. Although it truly is her fault, because she was the one who had to go to mexico. -Rolls eyes-

And it seems my internet decided to flicker in and out of existence; in mourning, me thinks.

Oh, why is such false death such a reoccurring thing today? I'd prefer if everyone stayed alive, figuratively and literally.

I have a very intelligent question. If you were on the moon, and forty two aluminum clad llama's decided to sunbathe at three in the afternoon, would you go blind?

Tell me what you think!!!

Thank god I'm pretttttyyyyyyy. That was music, in case you thought vanity had melted my brain.

I have recently (as in within the last 3o seconds or so) decided to become a Madame. I think it's the music in the background. I will wear leather bustiers, wear elaborate, ripped and sperm stained petticoats, high heeled boots, ruby chokers and a feather tipped whip.

I told someone that, with less detail, and she responded with

"Leather bustiers?! You want to be like... Oh my god."

So, I'm pretty sure that's my future career. Unless I get my taxi driving license.

I'm not sure people have Madame's anymore, anyways. They got replaced with pimps, pretty much. So lame.

I suppose I could always become an elementary school teacher. It's pretty much the same thing, except you're dealing with smarter people.

I think I need it to be friday. Please and thank you.

OH! Happy day! Someone has risin from the dead due to a mystical potion created in peru!

No. Way. The other is now alive now. This potion must be pretty epic stuff.

One Of Me And Eleven Of Them.

2009-05-05T16:40:00.000-07:00

I am drinking the last bit out of my cup of vanilla coffee. I swear this stuff is going to take over my life. I hope the box refills itself as long as I never look inside, like a magical wine bottle in a story. I can't remember which story that was though; it could be really embarrassing for me to admit I've read it, but whatever.

I still haven't read Hamlet, and I'm going to have to cut my face off in self punishment. I think I'm totally going to just skip reading Heart of Darkness, study the other books like crazy, and then coast through the exam.

I might make myself a 'Remember-everything-on-this-sheet' sheet. Then I will study while making the sheet, and study as I study the sheet.

That would entail work. And I'm not all that fond of work.

My sister just said, "I look like I just stuck my hand up your butt," while licking melted chocolate off her fingers. Crude little cavegirl.

She has just asked for me to call her a monkeygirl, and then flipped herself upside down, as to possibly imitate a drugged up primate. I think I need to train her how to be a proper human. But I love you anyways! (Cos my sister's just so amazing).

My coffee is gone, and my heart is sad. Oh, little coffee beans of love; please replenish yourself!

Today has also been a good day. Pretty much. I mean, everything was pretty average, but there was a moment or two of total happy feelings, and that makes it an exceptional day. Of course, there were a few minutes of absolute rage; for example, a second ago, my sister just put my eraser in her mouth, in an attempt to get my attention, possibly. But I'm all hormonal, so I nearly decapitated her with my coffee mug.

The H1N1 flu is my new obsession. I was like "Ew," when they called it the swine flu, and then the renamed it the H1N1 virus, and I get extreme joy correcting ignoramuses when they call it by the wrong name. But now it's called the H1N1 swine flu, so they're not totally wrong.

Stupid press people. Numbers and letters are much more fun to remember than farm animals. They totally wrecked my hobby.

Oh, happy cinco de mayo everyone! Have an enchilada on me!

We're not having mexican food tonight, which is so sad, it's practically a tragedy. I just asked my mother what she's making, but she can't answer, because she's in the middle of singing Oh Canada. Seriously. Singing Oh Canada on a Mexican holiday.... that's upsetting.

We seem to be having a barbeque today, which is weird, because it's raining heavily, and the wind in horrible. Like, tearing trees down type of horrible. But that's okay. I always have lots of fun eating the intercostal muscles of a dead cow, in torrential downpour, surrounded by none other than my stereotypically happy family.

I'm even happy today. I had my vanilla coffee which is basically sunshine in a mug, and my sister bought me a chocolate bar, which I inhaled in 0.3 seconds.

I think I could easily become a caffeine addict. I mean, my recent happiness started on monday, which seems to coincide with both the creation of this blog, and the discovery of vanilla coffee.

Coincidence? I think not.

Whoops, I accidentally used a cliche... I read a book about cliche's so I could recognize them, and I only use about 10% of them, which made me happy, but I use them all the time, which made me sad.

Everyone is watching hockey, and it seems either we got a penalty, or the other team scored because everyone went "Oh! Oh, oh oh oh! ... Agh!!!!"

And then they all threw their hockey team paraphernalia on the ground in disgust. A shirt, an apron, a towel, a couple hats, and a sweater, just to name a few.

It seems three people have read at least something n this blog. My sister, and two friends. They are quite fab, although I noticed that none of them decided to follow me. It made me want to jump off an internal cliff, to create a simulated emotional suicide. But not really, because that would crush my soul.

Haha. I'm laughing at my own joke, because it's not good.

I have a memory to re-live multiple times, and I should get started. Apparently other human types are coming over to watch the game and eat meat, like all people should have the desire to do. I will comfort myself with caffeine free tea, and the pasta salad that is meant to be a side.

My mom just burned herself, and my dad leaped up like a super hero, and pushed her out of the way, in order to save the whatever that's frying on the stove. I thought he was getting up to help her in her time of intense physical pain, but apparently the whatever is more important.

Ah, Hamlet. I must read thee. And yet, when the contents of my heart are revealed, there is a want of you. The desire to read your tale once more is not exactly there, capiche?

Ha! Saved by the doorbell! The humans are here, and my mother has patted down all stray hairs, my sister has run into the washroom to apply another coat of lip gloss, and my father's voice has deepened possibly two to three octaves.

It seems the party is about to begin. I am going to grab my sombrero, as to show how unconventional I am. No hockey garb for me, no sir!

Except the only sombrero is very small, and probably wont fit on my head. Instead, I'll have to resort to drinking some sort of weird looking juice, so when people ask me what the heck I'm drinking I can look at them mystically over the top of my glass, and speak in an enchantingly slow and distressing voice, saying "Why, it's ___ juice. It helps with the liver problems I'm having. I drank one too many cases of vodka last weekend."

Then I'll lean in, and whisper conspiratorially, "Plus, it helps with regular bowel movements."

A Lack Of Life

2009-05-04T19:51:00.000-07:00

Nightcore rocks my world. If you've never heard of them, and you're feeling either really upbeat, or crazy depressed, you should look them up. I don't know if they have myspace, but I hope so. I love when artists have myspaces. It makes me deeply happy on the inside.

My dog is barking from the basement, and I am supposed to let him out, but I really don't want to. You'd think that after 12 years he'd learn that when he barks like that, nobody wants him near them, because it's so annoying. It doesn't make anyone want to help him. Well, it doesn't make me want to rescue him from the dreaded kennel just because he has separation anxiety.

My biology homework is still in front of me, approximately half done. The easy half is done. I still have to do the hard half. I figured I could do the hard half in about twenty minutes. And then I can shower, and wash the smell of public school from my hair. Then I can read Hamlet, and sleep, finally. Ah, to sleep, perchance to dream.

I have a picture of Holly Black on my phone. I bet she'd be really creeped out if she found out. I mean, if I was a famous author, and some girl used my face as the screensaver on her phone, I would be a little uncomfortable.

Hmm. With the rate things are going, I would say I'm not going to be able to read Hamlet tonight. Which is sad, because I have to read all of Heart Of Darkness tomorrow. I am thinking I will definitely need to skip school on wednesday in order to be fully prepared for this test on thursday. It's a big test too. Like, it's not worth anything on my school mark, it's just to test my literary intelligence. It's like an IQ test, but only for literature, and they only care if you're a genius. Above average is average in this test.

And I'm just barely over average.

-Sighs dramatically-

But maybe, just maybe, my studying will pay off, and I'll be able to pass for a genius. Which would be fab, you know, for university. And, of course, for my self esteem.

My guitar picks of fabulousness are cheering me up. I'll have to christen one my lucky piece, and take it on the exam with me.

Maybe the scratched teal one. I mean, it has a picture of a white alligator on the front. It's definitely mega cool, and would not be embarrassing for others to see that I carry it around.

Someone in my biology class said I had lovely eyes. Lalala. That makes me deeply happy, because I like them too. Ugh. Biology.

Why did I have to bring that up?

Now I have to do my homework.... Distress.

The Long Awaited Explination

2009-05-04T18:45:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have decided to tell the story behind this blog. It is called Maple Syrup, 'cause I'm so sweet. And because I'm Canadian. Which automatically makes everything I write quaint, and not worth much. But I've decided to be proud of it. So, hurrah for Canadian stereotypes. They're not so bad anyways, eh?

So, I am writing this, because I only have a few people I actually talk with on a regular basis,but they all have lives. So my thoughts start to swell and build up inside of me, until I can't handle it anymore. I normally blurt it all out ineloquently in a text message, and that is just a total waste of life. I figured I could write whatever I wanted, almost whenever I wanted if I got a blog. And I already had a google account, so it all worked out.

So it doesn't really matter if anyone reads this, because I'm just killing time, talking to myself. That's also why there wont be a lot of description of me, because I already know myself, pretty good in my humble opinion.

Oh my gosh! It's quite late, and I still haven't done my homework. At least I practiced my guitar...

Once more, I shall go, without a proper post finished.

A Present

2009-05-04T16:48:00.000-07:00

I bought myself a present. Yes, this present for myself was so wonderful, I had to stop my frantic homework-not-doing, just to tell you about it. It was... three guitar picks. Yes, and they're lovely too. I have a heavy, marbled dark blue one, that is shiny, and makes me feel happy just looking at it, a medium purple one, which is clear and plain, but is my favorite color, so I love it just as equally. And I have a teal one that's super heavy, but doesn't have a label. It's covered in scratches; which is my favorite decoration. My iPod was scratched so badly, that when people looked at the back, they gasped and exclaimed "What have you done?!"

Now it is covered in a lovely skin that the Easter Bunny gave me. The iPod; not the guitar pick.

I was at guitar today; not a half hour ago actually, and my guitar teacher told me that I care too much. He also said I should stop practicing the guitar, and instead practice on being okay with making mistakes. Then he laughed at me, for making a sound of pain when I played the wrong chord.

Clearly, I am not appreciated as a student.

My favorite song just came on. I don't get to hear it often, seeing as I refuse to click on it to play it first. It has to come on by itself, to surprise me.

Now I must go, to actually do my homework, and to dance spasmodically to the music. Only three minutes left of the song!

And, ew. My dog just drooled on me. Disgusting creature.

Procrastinating, Again.

2009-05-04T15:14:00.000-07:00

I still haven't practiced the guitar. But I made a bit of dinner, and left it all prepped, so when I come back to finish it, it'll look like a cooking show. Except the finished product won't be done. Which is very sad indeed. Television creates unreachable ideals, although I don't know if other people like to recreate a cooking show when they make dinner.

( I even have a theme song, but don't tell people; they'll think I'm dorky.)

So, second post within an hour. Sadly, this is going to be just as uninformative as the last one, only much, much shorter. I've still got to do many things tonight, before I get to be slovenly, and lazy. I promise, after homework, dinner, guitar, and laundry, I will explain. Although, the explanation is so lame, I don't think anyone will care.

Good thing nobody's reading this then :)

Oh, my so many fans! You want the Houdini trick again? I'm glad it was such a hit last time! Unless you're just trying to get rid of me....

No fear! I shant leave for long.

-Vanishes-

Triple Triple...

2009-05-04T14:20:00.000-07:00

Vanilla coffee is very satisfying. Especially with the foamy layer on top. Then it is better than a new box of pencils, or finding out a perfectly orchestrated revenge plan against your enemy who used to be a friend but ditched you for prom. But that's beside the point.

I think everyone should go take a break from whatever it is that they're doing, to go get a vanilla coffee. It solves all problems, metaphysically speaking. But not really, because, actually, I don't even know what metaphysical means.

Life is being particularly better than normal today. School's out early, and everything is less stressful with an extra hour to sit down, and, for example, have delicious and warm coffee.

I suppose I should explain this blog, and perhaps myself, but I think I might do that later. I have a book to read, and a test to study for, and a guitar to practice, and a worksheet to fill in. Oh, the cruelties that civilization brings with it's privileges.

(I have this epic plan for a way to spend the rest of my life escaping the rules of society, but it's a secret right now, so I can't tell you.)

I'm pretending that I'm talking to someone, but I'm pretty sure nobody is going to ever read any of this. If you do, tell me, and then one of my life's goals will be complete: writing a successful blog.

Successful is a very loose term in that statement.

My guitar, which is named Jackson for reasons I can't explain, is calling me. It's thin, musical voice is floating down the stairs, and I know I have the obligation to practice. Sadly, I have nothing to lament about today so far, so my guitar playing will be less emotionally satisfying than usual. Oh, lookie here. My guitar has miraculously appeared beside me.

Either he grew legs, and walked down, or I forgot to put him away yesterday.

I personally like the first option. It would save me a lot of walking up and down stairs. Sadly, I see no evidence of legs, as the case is still intact. And the case couldn't have grown legs, and then retracted them; that's just silly.

I will vanish in four seconds, just like Houdini. You'll have to read the countdown fairly slowly to give me enough time to leave though.

4..3...2...1...

I told you I'd be gone.